Blog wars-part2-The Empire Strikes Back

I would like to mention two things to my readers. Firstly,this episode of Blog Wars was written by my good friend NIRANJAN, who was too LAZY to create his own blog :-). I just gave it the Uuvvaaaauuuuuuu touch at some parts. Secondly, there is a GOOGLE TOOLBAR at the end of this page for your use.
Please leave your pearls of wisdom after reading the posts.
Cheers!!

He blinked under the harsh glare of the tube light, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead…his mind started to wander around. AgentABHI looked around him and wondered how he had got himself into this mess. He should have waited for his experienced members of the elite circle,instead, he had chosen two of the dumbest Agents the Uuvvaaaauuuu had ever recruited in its history.
A sharp poke from the left threw him out of his stupor. AgentHARSHA gave him a long look “Don’t be so hard on yourself!!! Things are going to be fine, don’t worry.” To AgentHARSHA’s left sat AgentTKP, who was leaning back with eyes closed and to AgentABHI’s right sat AgentNeeru messaging secretly to his ladylove, casting furtive glances around him. AgentABHI took a deep breath. He thought, “When all this gets over. I will personally throw those two out of the Uuvvaaauuuu league, AFTER I KILL THEM”

Naturally our readers would be wondering what their faithful Uuvvaaaauuuuuu super heroes where up to?.........................................Still wondering?????, they where at the research facility of the evil Dr.HOC. Now HOC could expand as “Head of Critters” or “High on cowshit”(or anything other nasty thing).

It was the 17th of December, the year 2040. It had been 30 years since the Critters had taken over earth. Humans where now nothing but slaves under the cruel rule that had crushed their very foundation laid meticulously over the years. Dr.HOC had successfully taken over the earth with the help of his 'big brother' (‘Anna’ univ). But pockets of resistance had sprung; many rebel groups had made life tough for the Critters. And that’s where the Uuvvaaaauuuuuuu super heroes come in. Uuvvaaaauuuuuuu ruled INDIA and gave Dr.HOC his fair share of sleepless nights. For more information on that.........wait now let’s get back to our heroes..........this way please (scroll down dummy!!!!)


Our four super heroes where present at ‘The Critter Headquarters’ situated at Soori Pooradha-uur in South India (sounds familiar). The reason being that the Uuvvaaaauuuuuuu groups WEAPON OF MASS DISTRACTION also codenamed as the Nakkuviya 6600, had been stolen by Dr.HOC and his evil critters. Hence our super heroes had called out a temporary truce to meet Dr.HOC. Now one might ask what is the big deal with a Nakkuviya 6600??? Anyone ever tried fixing the battery in wrong side up??? The Uuvvaaaauuuuuuu had successfully accomplished this under controlled laboratorial environment and had invented the “WEAPON OF MASS DISTRACTION!!!
Thankfully, the critters where not mentally equipped to realize the use the destructive/distractive powers of the weapon and hence had now offered to return it back, but at a cost.

AgentABHI’s mind wandered to that fateful night when it had happened...........
It was a covert operation codenamed “GREAT BALLS OF FIRE”!!!
It involved infiltration of The Critters Headquarters, to retrieve valuable information on a deadly project that DR.HOC was developing named “CRITTERMINATOR”. The completion of such a project would destroy their chances of saving the world.
So went in and they went in hard. But there was a small change of plans??????.
AgentTKP and AgentHARSHA were on another mission, and AgentNEERU was on a vacation with his ladylove. So AgentABHI had, with much reluctance, chosen two lesser-known Agents, Sub-AgentARJUN “doesn’t really”MATTUR and Sub-Agent ANKESH SHAGHH.

It was a sultry night….. AgentABHI looked up at the full moon and his mind wandered (sorry it is habitual!!) to that romantic night with his lover. They looked into each others eyes and they had for the first time...………..OUCH!!!!! Sub-AgentARJUN “doesn’t really”MATTUR and Sub-Agent ANKESH SHAGH had decided to use AgentABHI as a convenient landing pad.
“Cant you shit heads use your brains???” hissed AgentABHI, rubbing his sore back.
“Sorry Sir!!” barked Sub-AgentMATTUR.
“Don’t shout you idiot!! You’ll get us caught,” hissed AgentABHI again wondering how AgentMATTUR had managed to get into their faction.
“Ok men let’s go. Follow me and my orders!!” ordered AgentABHI.

And after fifteen minutes of hissing and foot stomping and half a dozen yelps later the three had managed to reach the Information Department of the Critter facility. But this was not before they had used the WOMD (weapon of mass distraction) to zap two Critter guards and one hapless pig who Sub-AgentMATHUR insisted, had reminded him of the evil Dr.HOC. They scaled they walls and entered the high security labs on the second floor.
AgentABHI got to work immediately and hacked into the systems and stole all necessary information on the “Critterminator”. Just as they where about to leave, Sub-Agent SHAGHH suddenly found a CD of “CRITTER STRIKE 2” in his pocket and this being the favorite past time of Uuvvaaaauuuuuuu, the three couldn’t resist a game!!! As the three sat down and enjoyed some Critter ass-kicking, they failed to realize that the evil Dr.Professor, who had joined with Dr.HOC after his previous attempt to take over the world had failed, had detected their presence in the lab. AgentABHI was enjoying his game when he noticed movement in the corridor, but it was too late.............................................

“Put your friggin hands in the air!!” screamed Dr.Professor, a stun gun gleaming in his hands.
Three Critter guards stood behind him with stupid grins and guns too.

All it needed was a glance between Sub-AgentMATTUR and SHAGHH and before AgentABHI could shout “ATTACK!!”......they had vanished!! AgentABHI turned back at
Dr.Professor knowing he didn’t have much time. The felt the heavy WOMD in his pocket...........................
“Feeling a bit lonely Potter???" sneered Dr.Professor (for those who are surprised by this, AgentABHI is also known in the espionage world as 'Scary Potter')
“Not really......I have you for company now” smiled AgentABHI.
“What do you mean?” asked Prof suspiciously.
“Well I was wondering what is 1+1......could you help me out??” asked AgentABHI confidently.
Now Critters where very dumb by nature as I have mentioned before, hence all 4 critters lifted their hands religiously in an attempt to solve the problem.
AgentABHI could watch it in slow motion....... their guns clattered to the ground and at the same instant AgentABHI had pulled out the WOMD.................

The moment he pressed the “Critter Killer” button AgentABHI knew something was wrong. In his hurry he had aimed the weapon at himself !!!!! ZAP!!!!BUZZZ!!!!!OUCH!!!! AgentABHI felt himself passing out due to shock and his last visions where.....Bbblack.
Luckily for AgentABHI he had merely stun himself and the Critters where knocked out by the shockwaves.

387 meters away after their successful escape........
“Shit!!!” exclaimed Sub-AgentSHAGHH.
“What??” questioned Sub-AgentMATTUR.
“I left the Critter-strike CD back there, we’ve got to get it!!!” said Sub-AgentSHAGHH”.
And that’s how AgentABHI was ‘accidentally’ rescued by his Sub-Agents who had obviously not come for him and as you would have guessed, they left the WOMD behind.

The cold breeze cut across his face….AgentABHI snapped back to reality. AgentNEERU nudged him “It is time, are sure you don want us in with you???”
“No...I’ll do it myself. Thanks” mumbled AgentABHI shaking his head in remorse.


Read the exiting end in the next episode of ............................BLOG WARS-- RETURN OF THE UUVVAAAAUUUUUUU.

Blog wars -Part1-A New Hope...

He who must not be framed

The beginning of Uuuvvvaaauuuu
Doctor: That’s it...... Push a little harder......Lady Nurse: Yes....Yes..... I can see the head.....
Doctor: Just a little more and ...... Nurse: oh!! I can see the body...... the tiny legs...the....Oh my god!! I think he winked at me!!!

For most of you lesser mortals, this is a normal delivery-of-a-child scene, which you would have seen, in countless movies till date. But only a few know that on that day, (DATE NOT REVEALED DUE TO A REQUEST FROM OUR UNDER-AGED HERO), the greatest super hero who had ever walked this earth, not to mention save it, was born.

Born and bred in an urban city, Chennai, ABHISHEK (or AgentABHI as his secret Uuvaaauuuuuu league members know him) learnt the bitter truths life had to offer at a very early age.

The short-tempered old neighbor who constantly beat him up for the ‘BEWARE OF OLD MAN SIGN HE USED TO PUT UP ON HIS FRONT GATE’
The girl-next-door who severely reprimanded him for peeking through her window.
It was impossible for a day to pass without punishment in school; punished for hiding in the girls bathroom, punished for setting off fireworks in the principals office, punished for arranging a chalk fight in class, punished for having a fist fight with a group of junior girls ………………...and the list goes on.
It was a similar story in college, where during the early days, he devoted his time to early morning puja, without much success.:-)

It was in the later half of his academic career, when his life took a decisive turn.
This was due to the creation of the fellowship-of-the-Uuvvaaaaauuuu; this paved the way for him to embrace his destiny. Being a natural leader, he found no difficulty in rising to the highest position in the Uuvvaaaauuuuuu league, THE CAPTAIN OF THE BENCH.
He quickly found talent in the most unlikely candidates.
The UnSinkable Fish (AgentNEERU), the boy with an infinite personalities (AgentTKP) and the boy wonder:-)(AgentHARSHA).
ONE TO COMMAND AND THREE TO FOLLOW!!!!!!

Due to his vast experience and the special ability to sleep with his eyes open, the members had managed to saved the world from a numerous critical situations, some of the most important being; the invasion of the minions led by the evil Dr.Professor and the incredible mystery of the misplaced message which threatened to destroy AgentNEERU.

To all of my peace loving readers out there, who don’t have the super powers to save themselves from the deadly evil, which prevails in this world, THANK THE LORD FOR BRINGING INTO THIS WORLD, OUR CHAMPION, AGENTABHI.

Peace to you all.

The Mystery Of The Misplaced Message- Part2

It was a bright sunny morning. AgentNEERU was in cloud9, actually cloud99. Last night had been the best so far in his short and unlucky love life since he joined the Uuvaaaauuuuu group. Nothing could go wrong now....none could stop him now………. Like Tom Hanks said, 'LIFE WAS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES'. He couldn’t have been more wrong........................

Unknown to him, his love message to his darling valentine had been intercepted by his fellow agent. Actually AgentNEERU had forgotten to wear his goggles of greater vision before sending the message. Therefore he had unknowingly sent it to the wrong person.

The trap was set, only the prey had to fall in it. The members could hardly contain their excitement. They had stumbled upon information that would change the face of their group forever, bright pink for AgentNEERU. AgentAbhishek was biting so deep into his fingernails that AgentHARSHA could have sworn he saw blood oozing out. AgentTKP was his usual composed self because unknown to the others, he always had an instinctive doubt about the fish’s ‘extra-curricular’ activities.

AgentNEERU walked into the lair with a broad smile in his face, but one look at the others and he knew something was wrong. The last time they had all surrounded him with smiles lighting up their faces, he had gone home with a sore bum after good round of their yearly ritual of…..’BIRTHDAY BUMPS’.
He takes a quick glance at the calendar and heaves a sigh of relief. Its when the members make low moaning sounds and taunts, the entire weight of the of the truth sinks into him, faster than the Titanic. ‘SOMEONE HAD FOUND OUT ABOUT LAST NIGHT’
But how???? He had planned it so well, checked every single detail. Where he could have flawed? He was completely at a loss for ideas at that moment. Slowly he walked to his chair in the eastern end of the lair and sat down with a grave look in his face. He was sure about one thing; whatever it was ‘HE WOULD’NT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT’

After about 30 seconds, the self-control of the members starts to fade. AgentABHISHEK was the first person to ask the dreaded question. WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT AND WITH WHO? Before AgentNEERU could think of a suitable reply, Agents HARSHA and TKP started to enact a scene of a ball dance, much to the embarrassment of the fish. Well, the UnSinkable Fish was sinking fast today.
He managed to mutter something unintelligible and makes a beeline for the exit, but AgentHARSHA is too fast for him. He throws his arm across and stops him with ease; this evaporates the final hope of AgentNEERU to escape from the mortification he was going to face.

A volley of questions is thrown at him faster than a supersonic jet.

IS IT THE DEADLY VAMP?? WHO TRIED TO SEDUCE AGENTNEERU A FEW YEARS BACK IN ORDER TO BREAK THE UUVAAUUUUUU GROUP?????
IS IT THE VOLUPTUOUS GIRL?? WHOM AGENTNEERU HAD FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A FEW MORE YEARS BACK AND REALIZED, IT WAS THE EFFECT OF A LOVE POTION WHICH SHE HAD USED ON HIM TO GET SECRET INFORMATION ABOUT THE UUVAAAAUUUU GROUP.

Only time would tell. But whoever it was, it’s only a matter of time before the experienced inner members would find out.
And when they do.............Uuvvaaaaauuuuuuuuu.

The Mystery Of The Misplaced Message-part1

Just a few days before, the world's finest crime fighters The Uuvaaaauuuus successfully saved the world from the evil Dr.Professor and his minions. The members were enjoying a well-deserved break after a very stressful week of crime fighting.

The night was colder than usual but AgentAbhishek was sipping on his favorite carton of flavored milk with dogged determination to complete his latest project, a new rulebook for the group.
.........RING!!! RING!!!. The sudden noise startles the usually composed Super hero. Thinking it was a bomb secretly placed in his secret lab in the secret lair, AgentAbhishek does the most sensible thing to do in such a situation......he starts to write his will.

After a while when the ringing ceases he realizes it was just his cell phone’s message alert which had gone off. The rugged display with grease marks and infinite scratches makes it almost impossible to view the contents, not to mention the sender. But
AgentAbhishek knows from experience that only one person would send messages at 3am in the morning......it had to be The Unsinkable Fish.

Cursing the odd hour and sheer absurdness of the situation his expert eyes to read the message. What he comes across almost knocks him out of his senses and his feet.............
“HEY DARLIN DON FOOL AROUND! WHY NOT TOMO NITE?? DON WORRY NOTHIN WILL GO WRONG......”

It takes all of his vast experience and composure for AgentAbhishek to stop himself from rolling over the floor with laughter. The truth hits him with the sweetness of a Cadbury bar. AGENTNEERU HAD SENT A LOVE MESSAGE!!!!! What made the fact sweeter was that, he had by mistake, sent it to the last person on Earth whom he would have wanted to tell about his love life.

With the agility of a Kabbadi player :-)and using one of the most advanced and efficient systems ever developed in the civilized world, SMS, AgentAbhishek quickly relays the message to the other important members, Agents HARSHA and TKP.

It is amazing how fast this kind of secret information spreads.... within hours the entire world of espionage is rolling over the floor with laughter.

.........Meanwhile in a house far.. far.. away a soft voice can be heard ..... “DARLING I’M HERE”,its interrupted by another coarse voice with a chuckle “I KNEW YOU WOULD COME ”. “CLOSE THE DOOR AND TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.................

Uuvaaaaaauuuuuuuu.

To be continued...........

A Star Is Born.... Part2-A Time For Heros

So on this boring and mundane afternoon the uuvaaauuuuuu members were busy trying to rescue the class from the evil Dr.Professor whose evil plan was to create the world's most perfect Zombies with his boring ideas on 'education' and a 'better life of the educated'.

Time was getting wasted. The members had to act fast. With each passing moment the evil grip of Dr.professor was growing stronger. With the help of his trusted lieutenant,SecretAgentKUNAL, he was getting closer to accomplishing his goal.

After a lot of arguments and some dumb suggestions they decide to use their most unreliable and dangerous weapon, MUTHU (the quad-eyed). You see Muthu's special ability was an insatiable gluttony for punishment and pranks (on himself). The members decide to use this to their advantage to bring the class back to life and foil Dr.professor's evil plans once and for all.

With the plan being passed by the decision-making committee of the elite uuvaaauuuuuu members it was time for action.Dr.professor was busy hypnotizing his hapless victims. So with none to notice him AgentTKP, the most experienced of the group, slowly goes and sits next to MUTHU, followed by his trusted partners and makes sure he (MUTHU) is in the corner. This obviously bold move, which would have aroused a doubt in the dumbest of minds, did not go unnoticed by MUTHU. When questioned the most common trick in the book was used to dissolve any kind of doubt in his mind (the members complain of poor visibility from behind) chuckle! chuckle! And the old coot falls for it like a mouse for cheese!!!

So it was NEERU, ABHISHEK, HARSHA, TKP and MUTHU (in order L-to-R). AgentHARSHA being better in math gave the much-awaited countdown (count up actually).
1...
2...
3...
4...
There were beads of sweat on AgentNEERU's forehead, which were dripping on his goggles of greater vision. Such was the concentration of the group. One could imagine this, since it was one of the group's tougher missions. One single mistake could cost many lives
5...
6...
7...
AgentABHISHEK would have almost defiled his pants but for the sudden realization of his position in the circle. He could not afford to show signs of weakness.
8...
9...
AgentTKP being more experienced, tensed his muscles for the final moment and waited with bated breath, with the patience of a chess player.
10...
11... ??????

At this point AgentHARSHA gets the coldest and meanest stares of his lifetime. Clearly it was a breach of Code-of-Conduct No1173Q: 'NO MEMBER OF THE ELITE CIRCLE SHALL JEOPARDIZE THE MISSION WITH HIS SMARTASS GIMMICKS'.
AgentHARSHA chuckles because he realizes that all three of them together are no match for him and since he made the rules he knows all the loopholes.
Code of Conduct No 0001 'THE PERSON WHO MAKES THESE DUMB RULES CAN CHANGE OR BREAK THEM TO HIS/HER CONVENIENCE WITHOUT CONSULTING OTHER MEMBERS'.
So his 'ass' was safe anyway!!!.

With a wink, AgentHARSHA quietly counts 1..2..3..and lunges sideward with the force of a jackhammer ............at the other end MUTHU almost feels the same force except that its about 4 jackhammers now.

So what was the plan, the members give MUTHU a slight (enough to knock over a boulder) push and dislodge him from his seat. They hoped this would create enough distraction to rouse the victims.

The problem was simpler than foreseen by the members. Our man (MUTHU) was having one leg out of the desk and trying a very difficult stretch for god knows what!!, when they catch him in this very vulnerable position. So instead of just being dethroned from his seat he falls across a few feet (about 5to6) and lands on the next bench ..........

The evil Dr.professor has almost completed his experiment to create the world's most perfect Zombies when suddenly there is a loud !!!!BANG!!!!. Just when his plan was going to succeed the noise brings all the victims back to life. Cursing his luck he trods disappointed to the source of the distraction............

By this time, some of the nearby victims who had been rescued realize what had happened and break into an uncontrollable giggle which turns into a barrage of laughter much to the amusement of the less unfortunate ones who were not in direct line-of-sight................

His old weary legs are no match for the nimble members. By the time
Dr.professor reaches the spot they are already back in their respective places. One look at the fallen prey and he knows the guilty. But with no evidence and MUTHU who was clearly shaken from the fall not able to testify, there was nothing to be done.

Once again the day is saved thanks to the uuvaaauuuuuu group. And whatever said and done that day, A New Star Was Born................MUTHU. As the old saying goes 'ALLs WELL THAT ENDS WELL'.

Coming Soon:- The Next Episode... "MUTHU PASS AYITAAN".... stay tuned.
Peace to you all.

A Star Is Born....Part 1-where there is a evil there is a uuvaaauuuuu

It was a hot,dull,sultry,suffocating and extremly boring afternoon, BUT ALL THAT WAS GOING TO CHANGE,thanks to the most devious and wicked conspiracy which was being master-minded by the evil Dr.Professor and his trusted sidekick.

But unknown to him, a secret meeting of the famous uuvaaauuuuu group was already in motion in their secret lair(known to the outside world as, 'The Last Bench')
A little introduction to the famous inner circle of the uuvaaauuuuu group.To begin with ,the leader,ABHISHEK(scary potter), a cunning and deceptive Super-hero whose special ability is to create abstract art which he calls 'animation' to confuse even the most deadly nemesis .The brain of the gang,NEERU(the unsinkable fish),who spends so much time racking his brains(though he usually never gets beyond the "Duh!!lets-go-and-get-some-food line",sigh!!) for the group that he neglects his constantly deteriorating retinal muscles,which would one day cause his impeachment from the elite circle of the uuvaaauuuuu .
The uuvaaauuuuuu inner order has two of the most talanted espionage agents ever to roam the secret world of spys and dangerous villains, TKP(the multi-faced)who has the ability to change his personality when facing grave peril and HARSHA(boy wonder
:-o). Together they are the world's most elite crime fighting heros.

Now it was upto the civilised world's most high profile crime fighters to save the day from the infamous Dr.professor and his trusted sidekick.

.......to be cont'd in part 2.(The scheme unfolds)